as requested by dan =.= rd jokes. courtesy of http://www.rdasia.com

I have a room in my house, full of mirrors. Sometimes I go there to reflect.

======================================================

Pessimist: ''My glass is half empty.''
Optimist: ''My glass is half full.''
Corporate-downsizing consultant: ''Looks like we've got twice as much glass as we need here.''

======================================================

Butch, our dog, hated taking his medicine for worms. After a lot of trial and error, my father eventually figured out the simplest way to get it into him: blow it down Butch's throat with something called a pill tube.
So Dad put the large tablet in one end of the tube, forced the reluctant dog's jaws open and poked the other end into his mouth. Then, just as my father inhaled to blow, Butch coughed.
A startled look appeared on Dad's face. He opened his eyes wide and swallowed hard. "I think I've just been de-wormed," he gasped.

======================================================

Quasimodo goes to a doctor for his annual checkup. "I think something is wrong with your back," the doctor says.
"What makes you say that?" Quasimodo asks.
"I don't know," the doctor replies. "It's just a hunch."

======================================================

According to the National Sleep Foundation, 75 per cent of adults say they have problems sleeping. The poll used a random sample of 1506 adults who were called in the middle of the night.

======================================================

One afternoon my mother went shopping and returned a few hours later with ten new dresses.
"Ten!" Dad hollered. "What could any woman possibly want with ten new dresses?"
Mum replied in a calm voice: "Ten new pairs of shoes."

======================================================

Vinegar gets a lot of use in our home. I use it for laundry, for cleaning, and we normally eat salad dressed with plain olive oil and vinegar. One day I arrived home to find my eight-year-old son, Jason, scrubbing a very slippery floor. "Did you put vinegar in the water?" I asked him.
"Yes," he replied, "and I threw in some oil, too."

======================================================

My ten-year-old grandson, Jeffrey, called to ask if he and his cousin could sleep over at our house. ''Not this weekend, Jeffrey, '' I told him. ''I'm getting old.''

''But, Grandma, '' he protested, ''next weekend you'll be even older!''

======================================================

Knitting is a passion for my friend Elizabeth, who is a caregiver for the elderly. When she brings her clients to doctors appointments, she knits while she waits. Recently Elizabeth showed me a gorgeous scarf she'd made.

''How long does something like that take?'' I asked.

''About one stress test and one colonoscopy," she estimated

major rd update xD