A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.


The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"



"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."


The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"

===================================

One day at the rest home, an old man and woman are talking. Out of nowhere the man says, "I can guess your age."

The woman doesn't believe her, but tells him to go ahead and try.

"Pull down your skirt," he says.

She doesn't understand but does it anyway. he inspects her rear end for a few minutes and then says, "You're 84 years old."

"That's amazing," the woman says. "How did you know?"

"You told me yesterday."

p.s. ultimate scammer EWWW!!!

=============================

One day John went to school to learn about logic. He approached the professor and asked,
"Sir, what is logic?". The professor explained what logic was but John didnt get it. So the professor gave him an example by asking, "John, do you have gardening tools?"
John: "Yes"
Prof: "By using logic, I can assume that you have a garden right?"
John: "Correct"
Prof: "Knowing that you have a garden, I can again assume that you have a home right?"
John: "Right!"
Prof: "Ok, now using logic again, I can again assume that you have a wife."
John: "Wow, so thats whats logic's all about!"

While on his way home, he saw Burt. John wanted to show his new knowledge.
John: "Burt, do you have gardening tools?"
Burt: "None."
John: "Then you're gay.."

p.s. dun understand then read again

======================

Q: What is the difference between stress, tension and panic?
A: Stress = wife is pregnant
Tension= girlfriend is pregnant
Panic = when both are pregnant.

==========================

A little girl asked her mother how the humans appeared.
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and then all men was made."

Two days later, the girl asked the same question but this time, to the father.
The father answered, "Many years ao, there were monkeys from which the human evolved.

Confused with the different answers, the little girl consulted her mother asking, "Mom, how is it possible that the human race was created by God and that Dad said we evolved from monkeys?"

The mother answered, "Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family while Dad told his."

===========================

A young and attractive student comes to a professor's office during school hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

"I would do *anything* to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully
into his eyes.

"I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...*anything*."

He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

"*Anything*."

His voice softens. "*Anything*??"

"*Anything*."

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...*study*?"

========================

loved these jokes XD