update!!

what teachers really mean.

1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates.(He was caught cheating on a test).

2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability.(The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes).

3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.(He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met).

4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don't intimidate her.(The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all term).

5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.(The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away).

6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.(Your son needs to stop socializing and start working).

7. Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions.(Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment she creates a class argument).

8. John enjoys the thrill of engaging challenges with his peers.(He's a bully).

9. An adventurous nature lover who rarely misses opportunities to explore new territory.(Your daughter was caught skipping school at the fishing pond).

10. I am amazed at her tenacity in retaining her youthful personality.(She's so immature that we've run out of diapers).

11. Unlike some students who hide their emotion, Charles is very expressive and open.(He must have written the Whiner's Guide).

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Idiots tried hunting

Three idiots decide to go hunting.

The first one says he's going to get a buck. He goes out, and indeed comes back with a buck. The other two hunters ask how he did it. He says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get buck."

So the second hunter says that he's going to get a doe. And he does. They ask him how he did it, and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get doe."

So the third hunter says, "I'm just gonna shoot at anything I see."

So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten, bruised, bloody, and totally trashed. The other two hunters ask him what happened and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get hit by train!"

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Teacher, "Class, lesson is starting."
Student, "Teacher, I wanna sh*t."
Teacher, "Can't you speak it in a more civilised manner?"
Student, "Teacher, my butt feels like vomiting."

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Soldier: Sir, we are surrounded by the enemies.
Major Dumb: Excellent ! We can now attack in any direction !.

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John answers the telephone, and it's an emergency room doctor.

The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."

John says, "My God. What's the good news?"

The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

WTF??

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Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! That's terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

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Adult to kid: "When is your birthday?"
kid: "28th January."
Adult: "Which year?"
kid: "Every year."

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The maker dosen't need it,
The buyer dosen't use it,
The user uses it without knowing.
WHAT IS IT?

ans: coffin =P

k go lioa bb!~~