A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks.
He wanted a truck and she wanted a fast little sports car so she could zip through traffic around town.
He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said, "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in just a few seconds. My birthday is coming up so surprise me!"

He did just that.
For her birthday he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

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A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.

The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, 'I'll take that bet!'

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed.

The redhead said 'I can't take this, you're my friend.'

The blonde said 'No. A bet's a bet'.

So the redhead said 'Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money'.

The blonde replied, 'Well, so did I, but I never thought that jackass would jump again!!!Sheeeesh!!!'

P.S. someone's not gonna be happy XD

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*boys go to his first church day, then comes home after*

Boy: Dad? is God a man or a woman?

Dad: *trying not to b sexist* Humm... I think he's both.

Boy: Dad? is God a black or a white?

Dad: *trying not to b racist* Umm.. I think he's both.

Boy: Dad? is God Michael Jackson?

NO OFFENSE!!!