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A lonely frog consults a fortune teller and is told not to worry.

"You are going to meet a beautiful young girl" she says, "and she'll want to know everything about you."

"That's great!" says the excited frog. "When will I meet her?"

"Next semester in biology class"

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There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.

They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and,with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go runningbehind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, 'Would you care to do it again?'
He asks her 'Shall we?' She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions.

This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head.'


........ AND WHAT WERE YOU.... THINKING????

===================================

The IRS decides to audit Roger, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Roger shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Roger. "How about a demonstration?"The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Roger says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."

Roger removes his glass eye and bites it.The auditor's jaw drops.

Roger says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

Now the auditor can tell Roger isn't blind, so he takes the bet.Roger removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Roger's attorney as a witness.

He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Roger asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Roger stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Roger's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney.

"This morning, when Roger told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."

ownage!