wa long time no update... here's one

At a funeral this is bad manners......
Child (in a loud voice): Mom!!!
Mom (whisper): Yes???
Child: What's in the box???

=====================================
Covered with swellings and bruises, a man staggers into a hospital..

"Whatever happened to you?" asks the doctor.

"A swan bumped into me..."

"What?"

"After that a UFO hit me."

"Strange things happen to you."

"That’s nothing, afterwards an angel hit me on the head."

"Go on, I’m all ears!"

"After that they finally stopped the merry-go-round!"

=====================================

A young American tourist goes on a guided tour of a creepy old castle in England.

“How did you enjoy it?” the guide asked when it was over.

“It was great,” the girl replied, “but I was afraid I was going to see a ghost in some of those dark passageways.”

“No need to worry,” said the guide. “I’ve never seen a ghost in all the time I’ve been here.”

“How long is that?” she asked.

“Oh, about 300 years.”

============================

Flying to a tourist spot for a long weekend, a couple of friends were an hour into the trip when the flight attendant came on the intercom and said,
“The pilot has just informed me that we’ve lost an engine. There’s no need for alarm, though. We have three engines left, and we’ll just be an hour late.”

About another hour into the flight she made another announcement.

“We’ve lost another engine. Don’t worry. We still have two more, but we’ll be another hour late.”

One guy turned to his friend and said, “Man, if we lose the other two engines, we’ll be up here all day.”

yawn go ZZZ le