anybody thr? yawn.... UPDATE!!! LOL

To all Employees:
With effect from Effective January 2007,

*Dress Code*
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you aredoing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, sothat you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and thereforeyou do not need a pay raise.
*Sick Days*We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness.If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.


*Holiday Days*Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are calledSaturday & Sunday.

*Compassionate Leave*This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for deadfriends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to havenon-employees attend to the arrangements.In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should bescheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to workthrough your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early

*Toilet Use*
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now astrict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper rollwill retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the companynotice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under thecompany's mental health policy.

*Lunch Break*1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so thatthey can look healthy.2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal tomaintain their average figure.3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time neededto drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer ofchoice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere

*Management*
=================================================

Ah Beng to a long-distance telephone operator:"Could you please tell me the time difference betweenTaipei and Las Vegas?"Operator: "Just a minute……"Ah Beng: "Thank You," and puts down the phone.

=======================================================

At a bar in New York, the man to Ah Beng's left tellsthe bartender," JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." and hiscompanion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE."The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks," AND YOU,SIR?"Ah Beng replies:" Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED."

=======================================================

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working onquite for some time, Ah Beng proudly shows off thefinished puzzle to a friend."It took me ONLY FIVE MONTHS TO DO IT," Ah Beng brags."FIVE MONTHS? THAT'S TOO LONG," the friend exclaims."YOU ARE A FOOL."Ah Beng replies," NO LAH, SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTENFOR 4-7YRS, LEH!"

=======================================================

Ah Beng took part in a ManhuntCompetition. During the Q&A segment, the host asks,"Name a drink that begins with the letter 'G'."The crowd shouts, "Gin! Gin!"Others exclaim, "No it's Grape Juice!"Another smart aleck yells, "Alamak, Gatorade!"Host: "Quiet please."Ah Beng laughs hysterically like a hyena beforereplying, "C'mon man, you think I need your help? Igot more original answer: Guni!"(cow milk in Hokkien).

=======================================================

Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was usingit when he encountered some problems. He decided touse the 'Help' command.After some tries, he became irritated and called thecomputer retailer for support.Ah Beng:" I pressed the 'F1' key for help…but it'sbeen over half an hour and still nobody has came tohelp me???"Computer Retailer:...............

=======================================================

Ah Beng serving his NS overseas and far from home, wasannoyed and upset when his girl Ah Lian wrote breakingoff their engagement and asking for her photographback. He went out and collected from his friends allthe unwanted photographs of women that he could find,bundled them all together and sent them to her with anote stating the following:"Regret cannot remember which one isyou...............please keep your photo and return the others."

=======================================================

Once Ah Beng , Ah Seng and Ah Lian went for dinner atthe Compass Rose at the top of the Westin Stamford .After dinner, they went to the lift scanned thebuttons and couldn't find the button for the firstfloor. Ah Beng suggested taking the stairs but Ah Liandecided to press the lift button "G". They foundthemselves on the first ground and Ah Beng remarked,"Wah, you so smart, ah. How did you know this wasground floor?" Ah Lian replied ," Aiyah so simple youalso dunno! G: stands for gero loh!"

=======================================================

Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?Because below 18 was not allowed.

comment and vote plz haha...