wa long time no update see why in my other blog =x

One day a mother borned a child that is so ugly...

Mother: "He is such a treasure.."

Father: "Yeah.. Let's bury him."

=======================

Dumbass 1: "Hey you!! Why are you washing your face at the toilet bowl?!"

Dumbass 2: "Why the water's clear... and it looks clean!"

Dumbass 1: "Thats not why... I drink there and you will rinse your face there?!"

==========================

Grandpa: "Can you fetch some ice cream from the freezer?"

Grandma: "Sure"

Grandpa: "Dont be forgetful again, Get me ICE CREAM ok!?"

Grandma: "Yes I will, If you want I'll get your favorite flavored ice cream.. Vanilla.."

Grandpa: "OK"

Grandma: "Here. Heres the hotdog"

Grandpa: "Damn you! you're so forgetful! You are just too old..."

Grandma: "What??"

Granpa: "You forgot the ketchup.."

kk peace out man

Okay, Tim and Alen were taking a walk down the park. It was a sunny day and the birds were chirping.

Then suddenly Tim falls on the ground and starts to shake.

Alen is in shock, but then quickly whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

Once the operator picks up he says “Help me! Help me!”

The operator responds: “Okay, Breath , than tell me what happened.” She said.

Alen breaths in, then he gasps and blurts out

“MY FRIEND IS DEAD!”

And the operator responds "Okay, First make sure he’s dead.”

“-------”

There was silence on the phone, then the operator heard a gunshot.

“Okay now what?” Alen said.

=====================================

There was a blonde driving down the road one day.

She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight.

The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde,

“What do you think you’re doing? It’s things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I’d come out there and kick your butt!”

end of update... short one haha

Dan:Hmm...Just a small update here XD

The speed of dark is proportional to the speed of light.
How fast light tries to run away from dark,
That's how fast dark will try to catch up XD

Like I said....Its a small update XD

Top 20 Things You Don’t Want To Hear During Surgery
1. Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.
2. “Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness”
3. Hand me that…uh…that uh…thingie.
4. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
5. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
6. There go the lights again…
7. “Ya know, there’s big money in kidneys…and this guy’s got two of ‘em.”
8. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
9. Could you stop that thing from beating, it’s throwing my concentration off.
10. Sterile, schmerile. The floor’s clean, right?
11. What do you mean he wasn’t in for a sex change?
12. This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
13. Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
14. What do you mean “You want a divorce!”
15. Fire! Fire! Everyone get out.
16. Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing.
17. Oh, look everyone. It’s lunch time.
18. The foot bone’s connected to the, leg bone…
19. That’s cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
20. Hey, if you pull on this it makes a funny noise.

================================

WORDS OF WISDOM!!!
All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

I intend to live forever – so far, so good.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal from many is research.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Borrow money from a pessimist – they don’t expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Dan: XD Omg!!!This is sooo retarded!! XD

Dan:Hello!!!Its time of Dan's jokes!!I'm here to provide laughter at other people's expense XD
Here at a couple of topics I will cover XD:
Dumb blonde jokes
Yo Mama jokes
Etc.
XD

Here's a couple for starters XD

Did you hear about the blonde who was using her camera backwards?
Apperently,her act was caught on film XD

Q: What does the postcard from a blonde's vacation say?
A: Having a wonderful time. Where am I?

Q: What did the blonde do when she locked her keys in her car?
A: She had to break a window to get out!

Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
---------------------Enough Blonde jokes XD Now its Your Mama time!! XD--------------------
Your mama's soo ugly,people dress as her for Halloween

Your mama's soo fat,when I try driving around her,I ran out of gas.

Your mama's soo stupid,she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Your mama's soo fat that shecan't even fit this joke.

Your mama's soo fat that when I climbed over her,I gave God a high-5.

Your mama's soo old that she was there when fire was found.

Your mama's soo stupid,she asked me the number to "999"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That's all folks for now XD Hope you enjoyed them.If not,that's your problem XD
Dan signing off XD Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee XD

Dan
Member of the Dark EonZ
"Hard work never killed anyone,but why take the chance?"-Dan XD

another update.. haha..

NoStudy=Fail-------(1)
Study=NoFail-------(2)
(1)+(2):
NoStudy+Study= NoFail+Fail
(No+1)Study=(No+1)Fail
Study=Fail
Tada...
courtesy of Dark Eonz
==============================

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000:
1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

2. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

3. Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!

4. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

5. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

6. Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"

7. This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."

8. To "shut down" your system, type "WIN"

9. BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.

10. COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.

11. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

12. Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

13. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

14. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)

15. User Error: Replace user.

16. Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"

17. Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.

lol short update..

update update update!!!

A lonely frog consults a fortune teller and is told not to worry.

"You are going to meet a beautiful young girl" she says, "and she'll want to know everything about you."

"That's great!" says the excited frog. "When will I meet her?"

"Next semester in biology class"

============================

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.

They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and,with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go runningbehind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, 'Would you care to do it again?'
He asks her 'Shall we?' She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions.

This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head.'


........ AND WHAT WERE YOU.... THINKING????

===================================

The IRS decides to audit Roger, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Roger shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Roger. "How about a demonstration?"The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Roger says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."

Roger removes his glass eye and bites it.The auditor's jaw drops.

Roger says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

Now the auditor can tell Roger isn't blind, so he takes the bet.Roger removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Roger's attorney as a witness.

He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Roger asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Roger stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Roger's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney.

"This morning, when Roger told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."

ownage!